Hot Topic of The Day: Jenner

Rarely do I like to write about what I call “hot topics” because in all reality what other people do with their lives isn’t any of my business. I find that many times entering into conversations of a political or religious nature leads to more harm than good. Feelings are hurt, and people get defensive. Bridges have been burned, and friendships lost.

I felt the need to write about this issue, however, because it brings together a number of issues I see in other places, and is more than politics or religion. And while it may be a heated and highly opinionated minefield, what the hell…

Bruce Jenner’s transformation from Bruce to Caitlyn has, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, lit up social media pages everywhere. It’s been described as everything from “sinful,” to “heroic.” I’ve watched the usuals in my newsfeed share their predictable opinions, but I’ve also been surprised as other, less outspoken individuals share their two cents.

Before I explain my opinions on the issue, here are three things I think we all need to remember in this controversial time.

First, we all need to stop jumping to conclusions, and judging other people.

I don’t think I could possibly count how many times the scriptures say “do not judge.” We as humans, have no idea what is going on with any other person, or what dwells in their heart. The only person, who knows my heart, is God. I couldn’t even tell you exactly what is in my heart at any given moment. I am human. I am prone to just as many pig-headed mistakes as every single one of you. We stumble and make mistakes. We have no right to judge anyone else.

Second, just because someone else’s opinion is different than yours, doesn’t make theirs wrong.

While I admit that some opinions are more informed than others, opinions are not facts. There is no right or wrong opinion. The same is true for your own opinion. Your opinion is not true or false. It just is. While I may not agree with what Bruce, or Caitlyn has decided to do with his/her life, my opinion does not reign supreme. It is my opinion and mine alone.

Third, loving a person does not mean you have to agree with every choice they make.

There is a quote that floats around that says “Love the sinner not the sin.” While this can be a hard balance to strike, it is vitally important to keeping relationships despite controversy. While you may know that what someone else is doing is wrong, that does not give you the right to love them any less. In fact, it gives you the right and responsibility to love them more. I heard a quote this past Sunday, and while it was in reference to my religion, it is true for a variety of circumstances. “It is not our job to pave the path for people to the church. It is paved by them and The Lord. It is up to us to love and support.” Now, I don’t know about you, but the feeling I get from this is that loving a person is our only job. We are not responsible for their salvation, or their choices. We are not going to be judged based on someone else’s actions. We will be judged on our decision to love, or not.

So on to what I think.

I do not agree with Jenner’s decision to undergo a sex change. I do not believe that changing your body makes you anything different than what you were designed to be. Surgeries are a cosmetic and superficial way to change who you are. Movements all around the world shout out mantras like “what you look like doesn’t define you,” and “beauty isn’t just skin deep.” If these sayings are true, then why would someone need a sex change to be who they really are? (This is a legitimate question that I have, and if you have struggled with a similar issue to Jenner, please feel free to explain this to me.)

I will continue to explain to friends and family that I believe sex and gender are one in the same, and they are eternal principles. We were male and female before we had bodies. While I may not be able to explain the intricate details of how that worked, it is a belief that I have. I believe in a perfect, Supreme Being who created us in His image. I believe that because He is perfect, we came into this world just as we ought to be. We were born into the families we had identified with before we came to this earth.

I’ve seen the argument out there saying the principle of eternal identity is void when we think about people who were born as hermaphrodites. Does that mean God made a mistake? Absolutely not. Do I have any right to tell someone which “parts” are the right ones? Absolutely not. I will openly admit that there are issues I cannot answer to. I have no idea what I would if that were a problem I faced. In all reality, those cases, are similar to any other birth defect, they are not a mistake but a challenge that individual will have to deal with. This is different, to me, than Jenner's case anyway. He was not born with both reproductive organs. He changed his body to fit his idea of identity. 

We live in an insanely tumultuous time. Opinions are paraded as fact. The definition of what is “right” has been flipped every which way, and dressed up as “wrong.” This is not going to change any time soon. Jenner’s transformation is not the first, nor the last controversial topic to grace our news feeds. While there will continue to be controversy, I hope that there will also continue to be love, and acceptance. We are human. We are flawed. We don’t know everything, and those who profess to know everything are lying.

I know there are unanswered questions, and issues to work through. I have been known to have just as many (if not more) unanswerable questions as the next guy. While we cannot possibly begin to know everything, we can begin to love. We can stop judging, and back biting, and fighting. We can support the causes we love, instead of bashing what we hate. We can challenge ourselves to be one step better today than we were yesterday. We can focus on loving others, and working on ourselves rather than working on others and loving ourselves. 

My First Week As A {Dog} Mom

As many of you know, I recently adopted the newest member of our little family.
Phenix.

She is a little wiggly black ball of fun and I am so happy to call her mine.
K-man's sister B has a yellow lab who was mysteriously impregnated, and threw a huge litter...11 puppies. I'd been looking for a pup for some time, and after a few craigslist scams, and not enough money to purchase a designer dog from a reputable breeder, realized that this was my shot.
We went out last weekend (thanks again B!!) to spend some time with the nieces and nephews and pick up my new baby.
We (Kman and I) knew almost immediately that the only puppy to follow Muggsy around was the one for us. Muggsy was having a hard time with all the puppies, but this little girl never gave up on him, no matter how many times he snarled or growled at her. She pranced along through the grass, right behind him, nipping at his chops.
After picking her out, I carted that girl around everywhere. We went to a soccer game, and fishing, and just around town. I was in love.
Since coming home, I've learned a lot about parenthood. Now, I know all you moms out there do wonderful things with the human children you bring into this world, and I mean no harm in comparing the two situations. But, let me paint you a picture.
Imagine having all the wonderful things about your baby, the cuddles, and the playfulness, the curiosity, all the innocence in the world, paired up with needle teeth, razor claws too tiny to clip, the ability to walk (like a toddler) and the inability to wear a diaper. In addition to the crying at night, and the hardship of not being able to understand your child, you have this little hellion that thinks it's a grand time to chomp down on your nose before running off to piddle on the carpet (the carpet you cleaned ten minutes ago.) One minute you its playtime, and you are having a fun afternoon, and the next it's 2 in the morning and you can't get your baby to stop crying without letting them gnaw on your arm.

That's being a dog mom.

I can tell you I've never had so much respect for the parents who are up all night with babies to feed, and soothe, and change. I've never run on so little sleep.

I wake up every morning around 4:30 to take her out, and let her "do her business." Then, we go back to bed, while she chews on a stick or a teething toy. Around 6:30 she's ready to be up again, this time for breakfast. She eats her breakfast, and goes out again to do her business. Then, it's play time. She runs and jumps and yips, and chews. I sit on the floor half awake and throw whatever toy is closest, so she tries to eat that instead of my shirt. Around 8 am, she's ready for another nap, and curls up like a little angel right on my head. About 9 I have to get up and get ready for work, or start working depending on my schedule. 10-11 she's up again and ready for playtime. If I have to go in, this is about the time I leave, so I give her a little snack, take her out, and then put her in puppy prison (the kitchen.)
When I get back from work, in the early afternoon, she's ready to go out again and have play time, and a snack. Then, around 5 it's dinner time. She eats again, and then plays until about 6 when she crashes. She usually sleeps for another 2-3 hours, before waking up at 9 to go out, and play...AGAIN. Then, she sleeps or cuddles until 12, when she thinks it's time to play again. This is the hard part. I usually give her a treat meant for chewing and that keeps her quiet, until it's gone. 2 a.s it's out to do her business again, and then she sleeps until 4:30 when we get up and do it all over again.

This is my life right now, and I can't even tell you how much fun it is. You would think I'd resent this little nutball, but taking care of her, even in the middle of the night, only makes me love her more. This morning, she whined at the back door so she could go outside to do her business. I was so proud.

This week she is 7.5 weeks old, and less than 10 pounds. We think she is a lab collie mix, with maybe a little corgi...(her father is unknown, but a collie corgi mix was seen near the house.) She loves her stuffed hippo, and crushed water bottles. She HATES bath time (we are working on that) but loves to follow Muggsy and play tug of war with him (sort of, it's an unfair fight right now....) I am so excited and look forward to watching her grow up.

Until next time!

H.

True Confessions: Things I've Learned About Addiction

I've been debating, for some time, whether I wanted to write this as a blog post or as a personal journal entry. I worried that a blog post would look "too real." In our social media society of only showing the good, I worried that my true confession would be the rain cloud on your news feed. That it would be too human and raw compared to the glowing engagement, and adorable cat video. I finally settled on a blog post because there are probably other people struggling with the same issues, and it didn't seem fair to continue hiding it. (I live in Washington rain is just part of the deal.)
So here it goes.

I have a terrible relationship with food. And when I say terrible, I mean toxic relationship.
I would venture to say I am addicted to it. I struggle with portion control, healthy choices, and emotional eating. I've wasted a ridiculous amount of money on food. I've tried more "diets" than I can count.  I joke about it. I cry about it. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about is what I'm going to eat that day. Junk food, healthy food, it doesn't matter. If I can eat it, I struggle with it.
I've never really talked about it, but I'm sure if you know me at all, you've noticed. It wasn't until I joined into a fitness competition and was accountable to another person that I realized just how bad it is.

In high school was the first time I noticed that I would eat because I was bored or to fill some emotional gap. It was the first time I noticed I was eating for reasons other than to fuel my body. I wasn't AS hard then because my parents do a pretty good job of regulating the food in their house, but once I started driving, I frequented Taco Bell WAY too often. I'm not talking about a Monday afternoon "pick me up." I'm talking fourth meal in the middle of the day, every day of the week.

In college it was easier to hide it  because it isn't uncommon to go out at weird hours of the day and eat, because YoUtH. It is acceptable to eat poorly in college, and even expected to a certain degree. I did live with some pretty healthy people (you know who you are) and that helped, but it was not uncommon for me to stop on the way home and grab a burger, and then eat dinner less than an hour later. I purposefully took weight training classes, and jogging classes so I could run off my horrible habits. It worked for awhile, especially during my time as a vegetarian. It wasn't until after graduation that it got out of control.

Last week Kyle finally sat me down and had a real talk about my health and my food choices. It's hard to hide habits like mine from someone I spend so much time with. He noticed I was having a REALLY hard time making the right choices, asked some hard questions, and I think finally got to the root of the problem. We've been working on a plan and getting me to a better place.

So on to the things I've learned....To me, many of these principles can be applied to a wide variety of addictions.

1. Admittance really is the first step.
I have struggled with this issue for at least 10 years. THAT'S A LONG TIME. I have always been able to justify my choices, and avoid admitting what I struggle with. It's an ugly truth. It's not pretty to spell out. It's hard, and embarrassing. BUT if you can admit it to first yourself and then to another person (see #2) it changes your perspective.
Honestly, I have to admit it on the daily. Just yesterday I was trying to tell Kyle that "I don't REALLY struggle....that much...." Luckily he's stubborn and just rolled his eyes. He waited, and then I said it again. admitting it to myself before I make a choice leads to a smarter choice.

2. Accountability is KEY
Addictions are usually swept under the rug and hidden from the rest of the world. I can tell you right now, if I didn't have someone to be accountable to, I would have failed the first day. Kyle and I have a system set up. At first it felt juvenile and awkward, but I can tell you it's really working. I'm still tempted to hide, or make decisions I'm not supposed to, but I know Kyle is going to check in with me. I know that he's expecting a text message every time I eat. (I told you it sounded juvenile.) As much as it makes me feel like a child checking in with my parents, it really has helped to have someone there to help when I need it.

3. Don't let yourself become vulnerable.
I have had to come up with safeguards for myself. Things I can trust when I can't trust myself. One of my "excuses" is real hunger. I literally have to pack myself 5 or 6 healthy snacks to eat during the day so I can't justify a trip to DQ on the way home. (I pass 2 of them). I also leave my debit card at home. If I don't have money on me I won't stop and grab a quick "snack" on the way home, or be able to have a mid-day "pick me up."  I also no longer go grocery shopping alone anymore. (True Story: I went once and left Kyle. I stopped and ate a ridiculously embarrassing amount of McDonald's, JUST BECAUSE. I wanted it so I stopped and ate it. It's horrible I know.)

4. Be Honest.
This ties in with accountability, but if you aren't honest about your problem, it will never be solved. I hid my choices and binging for 10 years. I've struggled with body image, anxiety, and depression for 10 years because I haven't been honest with myself or those around me. I have to be upfront. I can't hide wrappers, or purchases anymore. I have to be brutally honest. In the beginning of the year, I tried counting calories. It never worked for me because I was never honest. I cheated on my accountability and it led to some pretty terrible choices.

5. One day at a time is just enough.
I have to take this one day at a time. Of course I have long term goals, but I take it one meal, one snack, one day at a time. As crazy as it sounds, every meal is a struggle. I have to actively choose healthy portions and healthy foods. I have to learn to tell myself "no," even when I really want it. As great as Kyle has been, and will be, he can't make the choice for me. As much as he wants to help, he really can only encourage from a a distance. (True Story: He had a dream about me going against his advisement, and locking myself in a candy store and going nuts.....talk about a rude awakening....)

It's only been about a week since THE talk. We took a weekend trip to Seattle, and honestly didn't focus on it as much as I should have. I ate HORRIBLY. I had a breakdown in the middle of dinner out with friends, and it was embarrassing and awkward. That breakdown in the bathroom put everything in to place for me. I have a problem. It's hard to face, and even harder to admit. I do however, have an incredible support system, and a plan. It's about direction, and not speed. I'm not as concerned with losing weight, as I am with fixing the issues at hand. I have the ability to tell myself no, and I am stronger than my cravings.

So there you have it.

Promote What You Love Instead of Bashing What You Hate

I had the stomach flu this past weekend and I spent WAY too much time on social media. I've noticed the same few issues circulating in a variety of articles, and to be frank, I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of reading why I should be boycotting this, or banning that.
To me, it's a struggle because while I do see the importance of standing up for what you believe in and standing firm against things that cross a moral line, I also think it's important that we not dwell on these issues. They are real and they are scary, but they can be, and are, well on their way to becoming all-consuming. Whether you are supporting or banning, you are still dwelling on these issues, and it won't uplift you the way focusing on the good around us will.
I've compiled below 10 things I love in an effort to promote the positive I need to see in the world.

1. Sunshine
It's actually SUNNY today. I live in the PNW and it is rare to have a beautiful day like this in February. I can't even begin to tell you how happy it made me to wake up to the sun on my face. It's sort of warm and the sun is shining.

2. Valentine's Day
It's coming this weekend. I LOVE Valentines Day. I get it, some people don't like it, but I love the happy go-lucky feeling this day brings. Whether you are a powerful single lady owning it, or a guy so lucky to be in love, this day has something for you. Tell someone (even if it is your mom) that you love them. I promise you won't regret sharing the love.

3. Good Music
I've been listening to the Workday Pop playlist on Spotify for the past few days and it's been the best thing ever. It's updated regularly and has good music. I love a good song more than a lot of things and there is something incredibly awesome about bursting into song and dance because the beat speaks to you.

4. Insomnia Cookies ( aka Reason #428473 I want to move to New York) 
I don't even get to use this service because it's far away, but we live in a country that has companies who will deliver cookies in the middle of the night to people who can't sleep. All you East Coasters are dang lucky. I found the app while I was having trouble sleeping and realized that it is pretty cool that some people can have hot fresh cookies delivered with cold milk to their doorstep until 3 in the morning.

5. Tax Returns
I'm sorry if you aren't getting a return, and as miserable as filing your taxes can be, getting a tax return is pretty much the best thing ever. Sure, I have to be adult with my money and put it away for savings, but still, it's pretty dang cool.

6. Hot Showers/ Bubble Baths
I don't know what it is about hygiene, but there are few things I love more than a really hot shower or a long luxurious bubble bath. It's the best way to cure any ailment, and take some me time.

7. Netflix and Delivery Food
This is one of my favorite solo date nights. I get to stay in my pj's, and watch anything I want on demand, while eating food that was delivered to my door. Honestly, I do this way more than I should but still, it's awesome.

8. Good Books
I've always loved to read, and the reason for this, is the feeling I get when i'm lost in a really good book. That feeling of being a part of something else, of being the silent character in a captivating story. My favorite book is A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. If you like historical fiction or fantasy, or both, GO READ THIS BOOK. I've read it every summer since I was a freshman in high school. It's a trilogy and each book gets better and better. It reignites my love for reading every time I read it.

9. Good Friends and Family
I have been blessed with some of the best friends I could ask for. I've been close with many of them for years, and it's awesome. Having a friend to turn to when the going gets rough is a great thing to have. Family is great too. Honestly, my friends are extensions of my family. I have a support circule of wonderful people whom I love.

10. Laughing
I love to laugh. I have a great boyfriend who is funny and makes me laugh on a daily basis. It's the best kind of medicine because it's free and it usually multiplies itself. I like to laugh until my belly hurts, and tears are streaming down my face. It's a good feeling.

So there you have it. 10 things I would like to promote and see more of. I challenge you to do the same. Make a list of 10 things you can focus on when the going gets rough and it seems like the sky is a little too gray for your taste.

On Being A Night Owl

I'm a natural night owl. It's as simple as my mind being clearer in the dark and quiet.
During the day I'm constantly bombarded with thoughts and tasks, people and conversations, and the never ending buzz that is our world today.
At night, it all stops, and I can just be.
I read something the other day that talked about how people who stay up later are smarter than the rest of the world. On certain levels I agree with this. Being a night person, or being a wake when the rest of the world is quiet, tends to show an affinity for bending the rules, and thinking outside the norm. A vast majority of those who we see as genius lived in these limbo areas. They thought differently and created when the world was at rest. Some of the most creative people I know sleep in the day and work in the quiet shadow of night.
While I was in college I loved staying up late and reading, or writing. Some of my best work was started and finished in the hours between dusk and dawn.
I had a good friend, another creative sort, who would sit and talk with me outside, under the stars. My favorite memories from this time of my life, took place at night. We would sit on a curb, or a stone wall and conversations would ebb and flow naturally, and without interruption. We laughed and cried and shared secrets not known to the daylight. We talked about ourselves honestly, and felt safe in the dark.
I've struggled with not being a "morning person" for a majority of my life. I'm beginning to come to terms with this, however. I've learned that morning isn't when I thrive. I can exist, but I am most present during the opposite end of the day.
After the sun falls and the outside world is fast asleep, my mind is alive and bright with possibility. Characters run with their stories, leaving pieces of them in my minds eye. Melodies hum in the background and pictures come to life. Night is when I create.
When the structure and chaos of day gives way to the open ended possibility of night, that is when I am most awake.

Be Extraordinary

Its a simple enough phrase. It is so little, and yet means so much. 

I find my life is constantly falling into a rut. The same things for dinner, the same netflix seasons. I'm comfortable. I have little to propel me forward, little to change me, because from where I'm sitting, life is good.
Every once in a while, however, a thought strikes me. "What if there's more? Be extraordinary." Today is one of those days. I woke up at the same usual time, took the same route to work, and will do the same few tasks, until I go home the same way I always do, and complete the same few daily chores. There is a simple elegance in this routine, a quiet dignity in sameness. It's a style that works for a lot of people.
To me, however, there's more. I have an ever-constant whisper in the back of my mind, itching me to move, or travel, or shake things up...or all of the above. I'm sitting here today wondering what "more" will look like. What does it look like to fulfill my life's mission. To find that "thing" that will quiet the whisper. It's not that I crave things, or more money. I crave flexibility, and experience. I crave the ability to grow and change, and be different from what I was 6 months ago. I crave change.
I've found a few experiences that will change my reality. The kind of experiences that will alter the course of my life. I yearn for these experiences, and will be working towards them.
Big things are in store for me this year. Big things with the promise of change.
I'm working on being extraordinary. Working towards beating the things that scare me, and overcoming the things that will hurt me.
I will be extraordinary.

But I'm Feelin' 22

I recently had a birthday. It was my 22nd birthday actually, 22 years on this earth, in this body, with this life. It's been a good 22 years, and I have very few complaints.

As I sat thinking the other day, I realized that though I lead a good life, I don't lead an intentional life. Since graduating college I have had very few long term goals to work towards. I work every day, and do pretty much the same thing all the time. It doesn't change much. Every once in a while I will take a short trip, or try a new Netflix series, but for the most part, I lead a fairly boring life.

With a new year upon us, I feel the need to make a decision to live more intentionally. To have a purpose, to have a direction. This will spill into a lot of areas in my life, but for now I want to focus my efforts on my personal growth and career.

I found this list of "resolutions" on Pinterest the other day and it struck a chord with me. I found a list of things I wanted to seek out and accomplish:

-Break a bad habit

- Learn a new skill

-Do a good deed

-Visit a new place

-Read a difficult book

-Write something important

-Try a new food

-Do something good for someone who cannot thank you

- Take an important risk

As i sit here writing today, I find that I am able to put specific tasks next to a few of those ideas, and I have plans to accomplish several of them already. It won't always be easy, but I'm hoping all of them will be fun, or at least worth my time. 

For a wonderful year being 22, I plan to be more intentional in my decisions and make a difference in someone else's life. I also hope to chronicle my adventures here. I need to be more diligent in the blog-o-sphere. 

Until next time, 

H.