This post was inspired by a number of conversations I've had with friends recently about relationships. Even if you aren't in a relationship, give it a read. You might find something useful. Or not, that's okay too.
1. Men are not in any way the end all, be all in life.
This is probably the biggest point I wish to drive home. Yes, men are great, and yes we need them to procreate and carry on through our lives, BUT (and this is a really BIG BUT) what a man thinks of you does not determine your self worth. What a man thinks of you does not determine your talents, or your confidence. What a man thinks of you shouldn't determine anything but what he thinks of you. His opinions and his needs should never come before yours. When you are looking for someone to date, and probably marry, there are going to be men who say no (for whatever reason, I don't get it, you're fabulous.) Just because he says no, does not mean you aren't worth it. I used an analogy with my friend once, that dating is like shopping for anew outfit. There are going to be pieces of clothing that look really really great on the rack, but as soon as you try it on you realize it just isn't for you. That doesn't mean the shirt you tried on is a crappy shirt. It just means it isn't your style. Take it off, and try again. Your a great shirt. Well made, and flattering in the right circumstances. You won't fit everyone though, and that's okay. When you fit, you will really fit and it will be awesome.
2. You are better than a dead-end relationship.
Relationships are hard. Being in a relationship with an expiration date, or an inevitable end is even harder. Being in a relationship with someone who has completely opposite goals, or visions for the relationship is a waste of your time. If you both aren't on the same page about the big issues (marriage, family, religion, lifestyle, etc.) then close the book. It's not fair to either party to try and change the other. Now I'm not saying you can't come from different backgrounds or even believe different things. Kman and I are two totally different religions. BUT we've talked through this issue and made it about us, and figured out the vision we see for our future in that department. If you want to get married someday, don't waste your time on someone who doesn't even see marriage as a possibility. Relationships are hard enough with similar views and goals. Don't complicate things by trying to force something with someone who isn't going to help you reach your goals, and vice versa.
3. You deserve someone who respects you.
This goes both ways. Respect is a two way street. I'm not saying find someone who puts up with every ounce of BS you dish out. Find someone who can say "no," to you without being mean. Find someone you can disagree with, without fighting dirty. Find someone who, even though they hate teeny-bopper pop music, respects your choice to listen to One Direction all day long. Find someone who, even on the days they find it hard to love you, will respect you and treat you with dignity. Everyone has bad days, but respect should be a mutual trait on both sides no matter what.
4. Love is not always butterflies and old fashioned swooning.
I wished I would have known this when I first started to fall in love. I wish I knew that the intoxicating heady excitement that you wake up with doesn't last forever. The butterflies stop about the time you learn it's okay to fart in front of the other person....maybe the two are related, I don't know. What I do know is that even though Kman is my best friend and I love him more than just about anything, I don't constantly flutter and swoon every time he talks to me. Yes, I still get excited when we have date night, and I still get fluttery when we kiss, but I've learned that loving someone is more than that. It's being kind to them even when they make you really mad, and it's being willing to do nice things for them even when you feel horrible, and had a bad day. Love is putting up with all of their bad habits, as well as celebrating their talents and abilities.
5. You have permission to be awesome on your own.
This one relates to the first point, but I feel it has enough merit to stand on it's own. Being in a relationship rocks, I won't deny that. But, being single is cool too. You get to do whatever you want, without considering another person's plans. You can take yourself on dates. True story...I used to take myself out on dates. It was awesome. I would go to the bookstore, or to grab something to eat, and I could put my headphones in and do something just for me. It was great to take time for myself. I recommend it, even after you're in a relationship.
I think there is a societal theme that getting married means you "arrived" and a certain destination. It's a mile marker in your life, and while it is a significant event, I don't think it should overshadow other events in your life. Great things can happen to you in your life, with or without a significant other. You can do amazing things without a boyfriend or husband. Don't let not having someone else stop you from being everything you can be. You want someone who can keep up with you anyway.
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