Making Life Choices: Suggestions Welcome

I am not usually the kind of person to dwell on the negative, but today is going to be the exception. I'm not really sure if it really is negative, or just scary.

As I was working through my day, I realized that I graduate in a mere 62 days. 

62 days people. 

Normally this is an exciting thought. Normally I can barely contain my enthusiasm. 

But not today. 

Today it was scary. 

Today I realized that though I am headed for graduation and should be working on final projects right now, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing after that day. On August 16th, 2013 I will be a college graduate without a plan. 

When this actually hit me, and let me tell you it hit me hard. The first thing I did? Called my  mom. I seriously love my mom. She is absolutely wonderful and has most (if not all) the answers. 

I called her and told her what I was stressing about....the tears welling up in my eyes. This is about how the conversation went:

Me: Mom, I don't know what I'm doing *sniffle*

Mom: About what?

Me: everything.

Mom: What do you mean

Me: I don't even know! I just don't know. *sniffles*more tears*

Mom: Can you give me an example?

Me: That's it, I can't even do that. i just don't know what my life is doing

Mom: school.  

Me: Well I know that! But what about after?! I have not prospects. No job. No boyfriend. No nothing!

Mom: Focus on getting to graduation. You can't do anything until then. 

Me: I know. But I don't have a plan. *more tears*

The conversation continued and my mom just kept reassuring me that everything would work out, even if I couldn't see how. She kept saying that the Lord has my best interest even if I don't know what that is. She kept telling me that sometimes in life we don't have a plan, and life gets boring. Sometimes it gets so scary because the next step is still unknown. 

That's where I'm sitting. 

I'm sitting in a cart on a roller coaster, and I have no idea what the bottom of the next drop looks like. The kid behind me just blindfolded me and so now every turn is a mystery. I feel jolted and like every time I get a 'no' answer on an opportunity, I'm being flipped upside down. 

I have been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life for a good chunk of time now, and nothing seems to fit. I've thought a lot about full time nanny jobs, and even gotten interviews for a few, but every time i go to look at the details, I get that all too familiar gut wrenching pit in the bottom of my stomach. 

My mom had me list out all of the options available to me. That seemed to help, because it told me all the things I don't want to be doing with my life. 

I think the thing that is frustrating me, and causing all of these tears, is that in six weeks I have no idea where I will be. 

I am the kind of person that always has a plan. A majority of the time I spend more time planning an activity or life change than it would take to get it finished. School has acted as a structure for my life for the past twenty years or so. Now what? It's just me and I don't like it. 

I've always known what was next. 

I feel like this is a test of sorts, to see how I'll handle the freedom. What will I choose. Unfortunately (to quote my dearest friend Shelby) Heavenly Father thinks He's funny. 

What a guy. 

Lucky for me, I have a mom who taught me where to find the answers. I know that if I hang on to that one source of truth, I will be able to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my time. 

I know that with a little  faith and a LOT of prayer, I can figure out where I'll be in September. 

Until next time,

A slightly dehydrated, and incredibly nervous
Me. 

I'm Back

Hello world,
I am back. Not that I actually went anywhere, I just got SUPER lazy and quit blogging. But here I am. I am here to write. I am here to vent. I am here to explore.
The reason I felt the need to write was because of a challenge I was offered today.
My dearest friend Shelbly came down from Idaho to see me, and we had a great little lunch/chat session.
We talked about life, and boys, and well pretty much everything. We talked about how ironic life can be and how "Heavenly Father thinks he's funny". (As quoted by Shelby)
By the end of lunch I was feeling much more rejuvinated and energized. I headed back to work and finished out my day.
But what about the challenge?
Here's the thing. Shelby texted me later this evening and asked if I wanted to join her in the Insanity 60 day challenfe. It's 60 days of Insanity DVDs and Fitness tests. Pretty much, awful.
She challenged me to keep her accountable, and vise versa, and the loser has to buy the winner lunch.
Lunch with one of my best friends and a rockin' body?!
Sign me up!
But as I walked home from work tonight I started thinking. I realized that there were deeper reasons for agreeing to this challenge. (Sorry Shelbs)
I decided that I was going to do this challenge for me. I was going to use te prize at the end and the accountability as tools to reach goals that I've wanted for a while.
Here today, I have decided to write down at least ten reasons why I am embarking on this challenge. Then, I am challenging myself to do a weekly blog update with how I am feeling, and five reasons why I should keep going.
First, here is my list of reasons for starting.

1. I am a beautiful person. I want my outsides to match my insides.
2. I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
3. I am capable and willing.
4. I want to be better.
5. I was invited to a boat trip and hesitated because of what I look like in a swimsuit
6. I have one pair of pants that fits. Might as well go down a size before buying new ones.
7. I want to prove it to myself.
8. I am only going to be this age for a little longer. I need to live it up! (YOLO)
9. I want to show my gratitude for my body.
10. I want to be strong.

Now. There are my reasons. I know it will be hard. My muscles hurt just sitting here and writing about this challenge. I know there are days that I will not want to do it. There will be days when I will only do it with half the effort I know I could muster. I will be tired. I will be sore. I will be sweaty. But that's okay.
I want to show myself that with hard work comes great rewards.
I need to get my life in order and this challenge is the first step. Thank you Shelby for offering me the challenge and being willing to hold me accountable.
Here is a grand adventure about to begin.